A baby has arrived. Now, your life is nothing but midnight feeds, crying, screaming and incontinence. And that's just you. But help is at hand with Dadlands. The author, a father of two, explores the secrets, hints, dodges and wheezes of being a first-time dad - and not having a nervous breakdown in the process. Read up on the best way to swear in front of toddlers, the perplexing variety of baby meals (just who invented Chicken Tikka Masala for 8-month-olds?) and the secrets of Toy Decommissioning. Learn the best tips for getting out of children's parties. See what happens if you call your child Chardonnay, and learn how to barge your way through a crowd with a pushchair. Find out why your kids need to come last in the egg-and-spoon race...and answer all those odd questions from non-parents who just don't understand. The ultimate antidote to all those worthy-but-dull parenting manuals, Dadlands finally tells it all like it is - the trials and tribulations of the first five years, from labour ward to Reception class. This book won't guarantee you'll become a Superdad, but it ought to help you have a lot of fun trying. An ideal book for all new fathers, fathers-to-be and their long-suffering partners.